We'll Save You a Seat

Last summer we had a family reunion in southern Utah, 30 of us staying at an Airbnb with a pool and a lazy river. Inside a bend in the river there's a fire pit, ringed with stone steps to sit on. Our whole crew posted up there one evening roasting marshmallows.

Another family sat close by, parents and 2 rambunctious kids going back and forth between the water and their chairs. I noticed them looking our way, the kids seemed to be signaling a desire to roast some mallows too, but without any supplies, and seeing our big group already gathered by the fire, the parents just shook their heads.

On the other hand, we had marshmallows coming out of our ears! Way more than even our 30 would use.

When my wife noticed those kids looking, she grabbed a handful of roasting sticks and a full bag of marshmallows, walked straight up to the mom, and said, "Hey, we have a ton of extra supplies, would you and the kids want to join us for some s'mores?"

Before any response she handed them the sticks and the bag. "We'll save you a seat."

⚡️ F5 Fast Files - Short Summary

🙅 Why "No Thanks" Is the Default Answer

What are the odds that family joined us for s'mores? Of course they came over!

Now picture the version where Hayley just calls out: "Hey, we've got extra marshmallows if you guys want to come roast some!"

Same words, basically. Totally different outcome. That version gets declined nine times out of ten — oh no, we're okay, don't want to impose, thank you though. The version where she closed the distance and put the sticks in the mom's hands? Almost impossible to turn down.

Those are 2 crucial skills, let’s break it down!

✅ No action = YES

Here's the thing about offering help in today's world — most people are trained to turn it down. Accepting can feel like admitting you couldn't handle it yourself, like it puts you a rung below whoever's offering.

It's a result of what I'll call the "token invite." You make an offer to someone because it's the nice thing to do, not because you actually hope or expect them to accept. The rest of the interaction turns into a song and dance of socially acceptable responses. "Aw, how kind of you, but we can't." "No thank you, but I appreciate the invite." "Maybe next time."

So ask yourself: do you actually want them to accept your invitation?

If not, the token invite is exactly right for you. Along with the "nice gesture," you're also handing them the easiest exit in the world. A polite "no thank you" costs them nothing and lets them keep their independence intact. If they hesitate, don’t move or do anything, the answer defaults to no.

But if you DO hope they accept, then turn that situation around so that declining takes more effort than accepting. When you're handed a bag of marshmallows and a fistful of sticks, saying no requires handing them back.

👣 One Step Closer

By closing the distance between them, Hayley made the invite more personal. I find that just one step closer than the norm is all it takes to break the auto-decline response.

A personal text is better than a group text or post. A phone call is more meaningful than a text. In-person is more intimate than a phone call. And exchanging a physical item turns the nice idea of hanging out into a real planned event.

Don’t make it weird by taking a hand crafted card to everyone you invited out for pickup hoops. You jumped too many steps there! But a personal text might do the trick rather than the general GroupMe post.

🔥 Come and See

When two of John the Baptist's disciples first asked Jesus where He was staying, He didn't explain it to them. He said, "Come and see" (John 1:39). No pamphlet. No pitch. An invitation to participate with Him, in person.

That's the model everywhere else too. Invite them to experience something with you shoulder to shoulder. It’s easy to say no to an activity, but harder to say no to YOU.

Life is full of invitations and offers. Think of an invitation you want the other party to accept, could be at home or at work. What are you going to do to make that irresistible?!

Speaking of invitations we actually want you to accept: we can’t wait to band together with you this fall and experience some life-changing moments as brothers. We’re doing our part right now, locking down sponsors that will take this event beyond than anything we’ve done before!

Consider this my ‘handing you the sticks’ 😉

The Fall F5 Men’s Retreat — November 12-14 in St. George. Vote below so we know you’re in, and we’ll keep you posted as details drop.

I can’t wait to see you there!

Justin

F5 Brotherhood

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