Growing up, I had dozens of coaches. Soccer, mostly. And out of all of them, I can only name maybe one or two could actually back up what they taught. Coaches who could still do more than half of what they were asking me to do. Lots of others were out of shape. A few hadn’t played much soccer at all.
Now, there’s a real skill to coaching that has nothing to do with executing skill on the field — organizing a team, teaching sacrifice, pulling the best version of a kid out of him. I get that. But the coaches who’d actually played the game at a high level got something from me the others never did. Call it moral authority.
European football doesn’t even call them coaches. They call them managers. Makes a lot of sense because manager’s job isn’t to be the best player on the field. It’s to see the tactics, read the opponent, and put the team in position to win.
Ok enough about soccer, what about the men that you and I are trying to become?
Do I actually have the authority to teach any of this? Mmmmm, often no. I might be a decent manager, pointing out tactics that our brotherhood can use to exploit the adversary. But as a “coach”? As a father?!
⚡️ F5 Fast Files - Short Summary
The word “hypocrite” comes from a Greek word for stage actor — someone wearing a mask.
Not subtle ways hypocrisy showed up this week. You recognize some version of these?
The difference between a hypocrite and a man in the process of changing.
📣 ANNOUNCING: The “Captain of My Soul” Fall Men’s Retreat — November 12–14 in St. George. We’re partnering with the men of For The Strength of Dads to bring this one to life. Taking the wheel doesn’t mean you’ve got it all figured out — it means showing up anyway. We’ve pulled the venue and resources for 50 men these 3 days. That’s not a lot, so don’t wait too long to grab your spot.
🎭 What a Hypocrite Actually Is
The word itself comes from the Greek for stage actor. Someone behind a mask.
Jesus used harder words for it than that. In Matthew, He calls hypocrites blind guides — fools who scrub the outside of a cup while the inside stays filthy. His instruction wasn’t to be more polished, it was to clean the inside first. Do that, He said, and the outside takes care of itself.
Here’s the problem: Do you believe one thing and do another?
Yeah. All the time. Every one of us does. Taken to its extreme, that definition makes every person who’s ever tried to live up to an ideal a hypocrite! We all fall short of it.
🪞 Two Confessions
I’ll go first.
A few days ago I posted something on the F5 Brotherhood page. It said “attention is the currency of today’s world” and that we shouldn’t spend it cheap. Good post. True post.
Then I closed the editor and scrolled Instagram for a while. Like too long. Bro what am I doing?!
Here’s another one. My oldest headbutts his baby brother more than I’d like to admit — the kid’s nine months old and takes hits from a toddler twice his size. Last time it happened, I grabbed my son’s wrist, yanked him back, and rapped him with my knuckle on the top of his head. “Hey. Don’t hit.”
I hit him. While telling him not to hit.🙄
Do as I say, not as I do? I’m not exempt from any of this — not the discipline, not the scrolling, not one topic we’ve covered in this brotherhood since week one. Everything I write here, I need as much as you do.
⚔️ A Hypocrite in the Process of Changing
In one of my favorite book series, there’s a king named Dalinar who spent years leading with a heavy hand — a warlord, ruthless, feared. Later in life he tries to unite these same monarchs he once terrorized against a bigger threat, and they throw his past back in his face. How can we follow you?! they ask, when everything you’re saying now is the opposite of how you used to live?
He doesn’t argue with them. He agrees. Dalinar tells them flat out — Yes, I’m a hypocrite. "Sometimes a hypocrite is nothing more than a person in the process of changing."
🧭 Humanity, Not Hypocrisy
Here’s where I’ve landed on all of this.
The gap between what you believe and what you actually become isn’t automatically hypocrisy. It’s humanity. It’s every man who’s ever tried to become something better than he currently is.
It only turns into hypocrisy when the intention behind it goes bad. It’s the wolf in sheep’s clothing. When the mask isn’t a man on a journey, but hides a hidden agenda.
So check your heart. Where are your intentions actually pointed?
I don’t have this figured out, but I’d rather be a hypocrite in the process of changing than a man who quietly stopped trying and called it peace. It’s the same gap gone sour. Hypocrisy is just ill-intentioned humanity.
So no, you’re not a hypocrite for falling short. You’re not a hypocrite for your failures as a father. You can still be a beloved brother, mentor, captain, or even coach while still figuring out how to play the game yourself.
Justin
F5 Brotherhood
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